托福写作:Change about my hometown


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Topic:Change about my hometown

If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

参考分析:

改变其环境,因为一个好的环境会使人们更加快乐、更加健康、更加有效率。

作文:

一个重要的改变就是改变环境,让它变的更好:

(1)环境好能改善人的身体健康,很多人因为环境而生病;

(2)环境好了,吸引更多的游客来旅游;

(3)环境好能够促进经济发展,吸引更多的商人来投资;

(3)建造工厂,赢利后,就可以向当地政府贡献税收,政府可以利用这些钱改善社区的服务。

If I could change one important thing about my hometown, it would be air pollution problem, and I will give the following reasons to explain why I want to solve the problem.(虚拟语气,上来就直接用假设,假设的好处是为了提出一个新的观点,不过似乎有模板的感觉,开头有点少,可以再叙述一下change的原因,现状,所以我们需要change)

The first and most important reason is that I hope that my hometown can become a beautiful city. As an old industrial city, my hometown has made a great deal of contribution(做出巨大贡献)for the country’s economic development. At a result(结果是), the natural environment of the city has been badly damaged. The forest has disappeared; the mountains have become bald, and the most awful thing is that the air quality becomes more and more worsen. People seldom see the blue sky during most time of year.

Another reason why I want to change my hometown’s air pollution situation is that the city’s development needs clean and tidy environment to attract investors.(投资者)Nowadays people have come to know that the city’s environment, which is so called “software facility of the city”,(环境是城市的软设施)plays an important role in the city’s future. For example, due to the fact that the environment of the city is very poor, many local students who pursue(追赶)their study out of the city would rather find the a job in other cities than coming back to their hometown after they graduated.(城市环境不好,年轻人出去学习就不愿意回来了,就像我们出国留学,外面都是好风光,回来看到乌云笼罩的城市也会觉得很不舒服一样的,这个理由很实际。)

In addition, nowadays people have paid more and more attention to their health. If the air pollution problem cannot be solved as quickly as possible, people’s requirement for a healthy body will never be realized.

In my mind, changing air pollution will apparently be my first choice if I can change one important thing about my hometown. Fortunately people in my hometown are gradually aware of the serious problem and start doing something about it.

点评:这篇文章是一篇比较标准格式化的作文,没有太多形式多样的变化,但是格式段落清晰,相信也给考官留下了较好的印象。对于写作水平不是很高的同学,这就是你们的学习目标,不需要有太华丽的语言,先保证把话说明白,句子不出错误,这样好歹拿到一个fair,然后再渲染文字,用好的句型夺考官的眼球,加油!

好了,今天就说这么多,大家一定要坚持练习作文,每天进步一小点,一个月下来托福写作绝对是质的提升!功夫到家自然成,加油! 


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